It is very difficult to accept reality. It is much easier to try not to pay attention to her, playing games like “I am not like” or “I want to be different”. Others will not work anyway, but to stop feeling “not like that, but to others” – you can. Actually, unsuccessful attempts to be who we are not lead to only one result – we cease to understand and feel our own desires.

Tension, anxiety occurs due to a gap between who we are, and who we want to be. A novice specialist who does not yet understand in practical activity, has two options for the path: to recognize reality or ignore it by playing an experienced pros. Then or “I don’t understand what is happening in what is happening, explain to me, please” or “OK, all processes under control” (accompanied by increasing anxiety).

One of the tasks of human lies is to hide from the reality of the liar itself. Many small untruths and self -deceptions permeate our lives … For example, pretend that you know what they say to you, and you take to answer, instead of just admitting: “I did not understand what you had in mind”. “I’m trying to explain to this moron what he is wrong” instead of “I just humiliate him – I am pleased”.

It’s scary to realize that you are not as good as you draw yourself. For this awareness, you need to do very little – pay attention to what you are currently doing. And not what you want to do or what you plan. A simple designation of reality often brings relief – because the forces expended to defend from it are released.

For example, an infinite amount of time, who had grown up, consciously and unconsciously, tried to prove to her already dead mother that she was not a prostitute, as she called her “loving” mother. But since you prove that not … what will be a reality? “I am a daughter who believes the mother in the fact that I am a prostitute”. And if even easier?

Compare:

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“I must prove to the mother and all others that I am not a prostitute” and “I believe that I am a prostitute”. What phrase is more stress and anxiety? And who then mom, by the way? This is a woman who convinces her daughter that she, daughter, prostitute. Nothing but a designation of reality. No assessments, no self -flagellation ..

Many are sure that successful and effective education can only be carried out with positive examples. Is it so? Often the correct “work on mistakes”, “debriefing” give much more than experience without errors and victory without defeat.

During my trip to Denmark, I was extremely surprised when I found out that the historical memorial “1864”, located near the city of Sennerborg, was not dedicated to the victory of the Danish weapons, but its defeat. It turned out that in 1864, 10 thousand Prussians defeated the irregular army of the Danes, about three thousandth, and as a result of this battle, Denmark finally lost Schleswig-Holstein, which still for the most part remains German.

And in the place of the seemingly sad defeat, the Danes appeared a pompous memorial that reconstructed this battle. A large number of people attend it, many children’s groups come with excursions, watching films;You can sit in the trench, taste the soldier’s cuisine, get a gun bullet of that time and much more in memory.

I asked a friend of the Danes: is there a contradiction – you were defeated and now you are so widely noted?

He said: “We do not celebrate, but remember and educate patriotism”. I asked to clarify about the “education of patriotism”: “You lost in this battle to the dust. They suffered a bitter defeat. This is rather some kind of humiliated patriotism “.

My acquaintance smiled and answered: “You can lose, but not lose respect for yourself, you can lose, but walk with your head raised and preserve self -esteem;you can lose the territory, forced to obey the power, but the remaining, albeit small, part of the earth to equip so much to live happily and happily, better than winners. If you like, even a sense of humor is brought up here: you can’t treat history, especially military defeats, so seriously. We knock down a little pathos, thereby helping to free ourselves from complexes. “.

For our psychology, this is a rather unusual and even strange point of view

In general, we try to forget the defeats, to drive the memory of them deep into https://www.mwjc.co.uk/contact-us/ the unconscious, leaving in consciousness only a place for victories, at the price of which we will not stand. This is the only way sacrificial patriotism is brought up.

And for us, the size is still played by the fundamental role: 50 years before this battle near Sennerborg near Borodino, about 100 thousand Russian and French were killed. By the way, for Western historiography, leaving the battlefield after the battle was a defeat, but we called the Borodinsky fight with a victory, because we believe that patriotism can only be educated with positive examples.

But it turned out that the Danes were able to adapt the case and defeat for this. And to extract lessons from it, to look for positive even where the canon, it would seem, demands to sprinkle with ashes and grieve. After all, everything will come in handy in life – sorrows, and joys, and victories, and defeats. Which, as you know, “you yourself should not distinguish”.